I was going to discuss the case with the footballers in the news over the weekend but have decided against it. It takes a lot of talent to make it to the top of any profession, a lot of hard work, a lot of self-belief and a lot of tenacity, heck, I was having a discussion with my step daughter about the author of Fifty Shades of Grey this morning… She’s looking to get into the movie industry and is frustrated at the apparent unfairness. The reviews aren’t so mixed (I’ve not seen a good one yet) and yet it’s top of the box office… How can this be? There are more talented writers out there and better quality stories that would make great movies with a higher meaning and bla, bla, bla… Moan, groan and oh… better get back to the blog.
I had a recruitment business until about a year ago. I admit many times I did really dumb things that could only have gone one way, and did. Challenges with Staff, Candidates and also clients. The culture was inconsistent and from time to time we’d have to rebuild the business, it didn’t seem like the same thing UNTIL… I looked back, understanding now about the patterns we sometimes run.
It no longer matters if it was Ego, ignorance, pride or if there other things in play? The result was the same, I understand, things could have been different. Better choices could have been made. So now looking back, how can we see this for what it was, a pattern and turn this into a positive, a lesson to be learned? Could we possibly identify it and see it coming, maybe even decide to go down a different path?
Imagine for a minute you could predict your outcome of a given situation. How much better would your choices be? Imagine YOU were completely in control of your journey, your business, its success and your destiny.
So back to being able to predict and prevent self-sabotage, wouldn’t that be the bomb? Imagine that we could see it coming and in doing so we could diagnose our symptoms and instantly prescribe an appropriate course of action. Well you can…
At the end of the day self-sabotage is the inevitable conclusion of not trusting ourselves. In simple terms it’s when the things that are important to us (our values) and the things we believe in, don’t line up. Like when I was younger, I valued having a girlfriend, it was great fun and I’d enjoy it, in theory, having a caring intimate relationship of mutual respect. Sharing and caring etc… All Good… UNTIL I realised I also held a belief (because of past experience) that girls/women can’t be trusted. I’m not saying this is actually true, it was just what I believed at the time.
Of course it was disastrous, of course I kept having what could only be described as challenging relationships. That was until I worked out what was happening. This was long before I got into coaching and in reality it’s not rocket science. You have to do something different to get a different result.
So how can you see self-sabotage coming?
Here is where it starts to get interesting, it’s about identifying patterns. Looking where you seem to have to hit refresh with your life & business from time to time. Look at where you’ve needed to go back and rebuild, more than once. In that instance/circumstance you need to be self-aware. The situations may not look familiar, it’s not the same mistake… It’s the same result, or non-result. It’s likely to accompany a situation where you’re no longer fully engaged, where what your doing has lost some of its meaning. It’s in these situations when you tend to implode and set the chain of events rolling.
If you’re starting to feel there’s no point to something beware… DANGER… Look out…
That is exactly the situation that will sooner or later lead you to self-sabotage.
So what can we do to stop it?
- Look at where what you’re doing fits your bigger picture!
- Does it support your long term goals
- If not, choose another path
- If so, look at ways to reignite your passion (fast)
- Have you just lost a little focus, you seem a little board
- If it’s the routine nature of what you’re doing… look for ways to liven it up, add some interesting challenges for yourself and reward yourself for attaining little goals along the way.
- If it’s not either of these, it could be that you’re beliefs are getting in the way
- Explore what you believe about…(whatever the situation is)
- Check your values (what’s important to you in this situation)
- If they’re also completely aligned call me and we can discuss the situation, there may be something you missed
- Does it support your long term goals
If you’d like to stop the self-sabotage, when you know you’re getting in your own way please call me and discuss how you can stop this immediately. It may be easier than you think.
Call on 07 3121 3272 or email firstname.lastname@example.org